Child contact dispute

Hello. I am Gemma, a legal assistant here at Lawyer Destroyer. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Not being able to see your child is incredibly distressing, but there are clear steps you can take to try and resolve the situation.

Legal position:

In England and Wales, family law is entirely focused on the welfare of the child. The law generally presumes that it is in a child's best interests to have an ongoing, meaningful relationship with both of their parents, provided it is safe to do so.

The legal system no longer uses terms like custody or access. Instead, the court makes a Child Arrangements Order, which decides who the child lives with and who they spend time with. Unless there are genuine safety or welfare concerns, the court expects parents to support contact.

It is also important to know that child contact and child maintenance are treated as completely separate legal issues. You should not stop paying child maintenance just because your ex is stopping communication, and they cannot withhold the child just because of a money dispute.

Practical next steps:

1. Send a calm written proposal
Before starting any formal process, try sending a polite text or email to your ex. Keep the focus entirely on your child and how much they would benefit from keeping a relationship with you. Ask if you can agree to a basic schedule. Keep your tone neutral and try not to get drawn into an argument. Keep copies of these messages, as they show you have tried to be reasonable and child-focused.

2. Attend family mediation
If talking directly does not work, the next step is usually mediation. An independent mediator will try to help you both reach an agreement without going to court. In fact, before you are allowed to apply to a family court, you are legally required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, known as a MIAM. A mediator will check if your situation is suitable for mediation. You do not have to attend mediation if you are exempt, for example, if there has been domestic abuse or child welfare concerns.

3. Reach out through a solicitor
If your ex refuses mediation, having a solicitor write a formal letter can sometimes break the deadlock. A polite but firm letter explaining your legal intention can sometimes encourage the other parent to cooperate without the need for court.

4. Apply to the family court
If all early attempts fail, you can apply to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order using a form called a C100. The court will look at everything and make a legally binding decision about when and how you spend time with your child. If your ex continues to defy a court order once it is made, the court has powers to enforce it.

Things to keep in mind:

Applying to court should generally be your last resort. It can be very expensive, stressful, and family courts are experiencing heavy delays, meaning a final decision could take many months. Court battles can also deepen the conflict with your ex, which can negatively affect your child.

However, if there are any immediate concerns about your child's safety, or if there is a history of domestic abuse, you may need to apply to the court urgently and can bypass the mediation stage.

For now, start keeping a diary. Note down dates when contact was refused and save all messages where you try to arrange visits calmly. This will be very helpful evidence if you ultimately need a judge to help resolve the matter.

Let me know if you would like me to explain the mediation process or how to fill out the court forms in more detail.